Always
by Stunstar
Summary: KaiRay Ray keeps a secret and when he plans to tell Kai he has no time to listen and unfortunately time isn't a factor you can always rely on...


A/N: This is my very first angst fic. I'm more attached to humour so I thought I'd do this for a change so its majorly angsty. Please read it through.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except the plot.

Always

Ray watched silently as he saw Kai confirming his tickets at the airport terminal. He wondered if he could tell Kai, if he -should- tell Kai. He knew that Kai would want to know but such things would take time to tell and Kai was on his way to Russia in a few minutes and therefore time really wasn't a factor he had at the moment. Besides Kai would be back soon and hopefully he would have time to tell him then, he wondered how Kai would take it, not too well for sure.

"Flight leaves in fifteen minutes" Kai informed as he came to stand beside Ray.

"Something the matter?" Kai asked softly as he saw the distant look in Ray's eyes. Ray snapped out of his reverie and shook his head with a small smile.

"I hope you have a nice flight. I'm going to miss you" he said softly. Kai frowned.

"Don't say things like that it'll make leaving all the more harder, but well, there is something else" he paused.

"What?" Ray asked fearing the worst.

"Well, I'm going to have to stay there longer possibly a month instead of a few days" Kai said.

"Oh" that was all Ray could say, he hadn't counted on this. He had so hoped that he could tell Kai in a more placid way but there wouldn't be time. He had to say it or Kai would probably never forgive him. He had to say it now before he lost his nerve.

"Kai, there is something I have to tell you, it's concerning us" Ray paused biting his lower lip, he didn't know how to break this to Kai gently, it had been unexpected for him as well, he wasn't even sure now how it had all come about. No doubt that Kai would take this quite hard considering that they had been a couple for almost two years now. Now that he had started he didn't know how he would be able to continue without having a long discussion, he owed that much to Kai, but once again there was no time.

"Can't it wait, Ray?" Kai asked as he heard the speaker announce that the passengers should start boarding, he had less than ten minutes before he left. His flight to Russia was extremely important and possibly something that would make him almost as happy as Ray made him. His grandfather was dead and he had things to manage there, but he was finally free, free to spend the life he wanted and with Ray, his kitten, the one he loved the most.

Ray merely nodded and whispered, "I'll wait for you Kai, I swear I will."

Kai looked at Ray carefully trying to see if there was something amiss. He felt that the tears now forming in Ray's eyes had more to it than just him leaving.

"Ray," he started but was cut off as Ray threw his arms around him and kissed him fiercely not bothering that it was a public airport.

_I'm so sorry_

Kai responded knowing he wanted this just as much as Ray. He backed Ray against the wall as he prolonged the kiss sliding his tongue in to explore the sweet cavern that solely belonged to him. He slid his arms around Ray's slim waist gripping it tighter and felt the arms around his neck tighten. One arm snaked its way through the silky two-toned hair and bringing Kai closer closing any and all gap left between them. Ray crushed his lips against Kai with a passion stronger than he had ever felt before, he wanted to feel it all and etch it in his memeory forever. Kai slid his arms under Ray's shirt feeling the smooth skin, he made his way up caressing gently and eliciting a moan from Ray. Kai broke the kiss and licked Ray's lips before starting to leave butterfly kisses down Ray's neck and jawline, hot searing kisses filled with a passion he was so full of. Gods, Ray felt good, he didn't want to go.

'_Last call for passengers boarding plane 707R from Tokyo to Moscow'_

"Ray,"said Kai slightly breathless as he pulled himself away from Ray with all the self-control he could muster, "I'll see you soon okay? It's not like I'm leaving you forever."

Ray fidgeted restraining himself then launched himself at Kai hugging him tightly and burying his face in Kai's shirt. Kai hugged back holding him for sometime murmuring wordlessly to soothe him then with much difficulty pried Ray away from him and caught the sides of Ray's face in his hands and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead, "I love you and I'll be back soon" Ray merely nodded throat too tight to speak.

Ray watched Kai leave. He hated this he hadn't counted on having to stall for so long. He should have told Kai sooner. He hadn't liked it at all, the past few weeks that he had lied to Kai about where he had been. He had felt so guilty about it and now he wondered if it would be the same – telling Kai when he came back. But he really hadn't known how to break it to Kai.

Ray felt tears form in his eyes again. Blindly he reached for his cell, he had to call someone and Tala was his best option right now. Tala had been so comforting about the entire thing and had made Ray feel so much better. But Tala had also repeatedly told Ray that he should tell Kai and get it over with, no matter how difficult it seemed. Kai would want to know. But as he dialed he found his hands trembling. No he couldn't do it.

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Kai was very happy, he had everything he had wanted now. With his grandfather dead, everything was his. But most importantly he had Ray. He didn't care if he didn't have anything as long as he had Ray. But for some strange reason he had a strong sense of foreboding. Whenever he had called these past two weeks Ray had seemed distant and somehow feebler when Kai asked him if anything was wrong. Kai couldn't help wondering if Ray was hiding something. He shook his head at the treacherous thought. Anyway that didn't matter now because he was going back. A week sooner than he had planned. He called home but received no answer from Ray, he felt suspicious but once again berated nimself for thinking that Ray would cheat on him.

Tala came to receive him at the airport. He was looking more serious than Kai had ever seen him.

"I'm glad you came back sooner, if you hadn't I would have asked you to" he said deadpanned but serious.

Kai raised an eyebrow questioningly but Tala merely walked towards his parked car and depositing Kai's bag into the trunk, he got into the driver's seat. He shoved a paper at Kai before starting the car, "I had hoped Ray would be the one to tell you".

Kai read the piece of paper the colour draining from his face with every word. His hand trembled, no it couldn't be.

"For how long?" Kai managed to choke out.

"if you mean realisation about two months, if you mean duration I can't be sure" said Tala his voice not betraying any of the emotions he felt. He looked at the shocked expression on Kai's face and felt a twinge.

"You really didn't know?" he asked softly his voice comforting. Kai shook his head. Tala looked back at the road concentrating on driving while trying to fight down the mixture of emotions welling inside.

"I can't believe he didn't tell you" said Tala almost to himself, "I told him that he should and you didn't notice?"

"It's all lies of course," said Kai and once again Tala was forced to look at Kai instead of the road.

"No it's not Kai"

"I refuse to believe it" replied Kai and his face turned expressionless save for the stubborn look in his eyes. Tala sighed, this was bad enough as it is.

"How many know about it?"

"For now only the guys but others will know soon. He kept it a secret from all, he shouldn't have"

He stopped the car in front of the huge building. Kai got out and made his way in without waiting for Tala. The latter hurriedly caught up with him however. Going along the winding corridors Kai heard snatches of conversation.

"…surprised me, I didn't expect him to hold on for so long."

"yes, it was almost as if he were waiting for someone…"

"Where?" Kai demanded as he paused and looked around wildly, for the first time in his life unsure of where to go.

"This way" said Tala softly leading him to the end of a corridor. There Tyson, Max, Kenny and Bryan were seated. The former three crying while the latter stood surlier than usual.

"Which one of you is Kai?" a doctor asked as he stepped out of a room. Kai stepped forward mutely and the doctor motioned him to enter. "He's been calling for you". Kai entered the room with a sense of overwhelming dread.

Ray was lying on the white sheets of the bed looking as though asleep, peaceful. But upon closer inspection he looked as pale as death, dark circles surrounding his beautiful eyes which were currently closed.

He opened them as his sensitive ears picked up the almost inaudible footsteps. Kai slowly made his way over to Ray who motioned him to sit beside him on the bed. Kai obliged. Ray slowly moved his hands towards Kai's and held them, Kai noticed how feeble the hold was almost like a child's and clasped his own hands around to make it stronger. Satisfied that Kai was beside him Ray closed his eyes again. Neither spoke for sometime.

"Why?" Kai asked softly, "why didn't you tell me?"

Ray smiled, though even that gesture seemed to take effort. "I'm so sorry Kai, I should have told you sooner, I just couldn't… but I swore I'd wait for you, didn't I?" he replied his voice barely above a whisper. "But that doesn't matter, now that you're here, that I got to see you, I can-"

"Don't you dare say it," said Kai fiercely, "I'm going to get you one of the best doctors and you will be absolutely fine."

Ray didn't comment on that, he knew it would be pointless to argue with Kai and it would only take up more energy and time, both of which he did not have. Time, always time, something you could never rely on.

"Kai I want you to promise me something" said Ray his voice pleading.

Kai shook his head stubbornly and looked away, "you make it sound so final and I'm telling you it's not."

"Please Kai" Ray begged tears gently making their way down. He raised a hand and placed it atop Kai's head. Kai knew that Ray wanted him to look at him but he couldn't. Finally he gave in and looked at Ray.

"You know I'd do anything for you"

"Then promise me that you'll take care of yourself, don't yell at the others too much, granted they are annoying at times but please, for me, after all I won't be there to mediate" Kai merely nodded he couldn't speak and for some strange reason, couldn't cry. It was like this went beyond tears. And also according to him tears would make this seem like goodbye and he couldn't accept that he would -never- accept that.

"Always selfless aren't you?" asked Kai when he finally found his voice.

"Somebody has to be" Ray replied a soft smile on his face, it seemed to radiate through the gloom somewhat and despite the air of death around the place seemed peaceful to him at least. He saw the others enter even though it wasn't allowed they coaxed the doctor into allowing them one last visit. It was said that cancer was extremely painful and one of the hardest ways to die but Ray couldn't help thinking that he didn't in the least experience any of the unpleasantness, while he was with the others. His only wish was that Kai should have been with him through that time but he was to blame for that, he should have told him, but there was turning back time.

"Tyson please don't trouble Kai too much. Guys, please take care of Kai for me and thank you" he spoke slowly every word an effort and his voice was so soft now that it wouldn't be a surprise if they didn't hear it. But they did and it only made them cry harder. Tala looked away so they wouldn't see the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes, he wanted to be strong at least for them.

"Kai one last thing"

"Anything but its not the last" Kai said squeezing Ray's hand but his mind was still adamant as ever.

"I love you, always have, always will, always…sing for me" the others were slightly confused at this request but Kai nodded. He started singing one of Ray's favourite songs his voice soft and surprisingly melodic.

"**This Romeo is bleeding **

**But you can't see his blood **

**It's nothing but some feelings **

**That this old dog kicked up **

**It's been raining since you left me **

**Now I'm drowning in the flood **

**You see I've always been a fighter **

**But without you I give up **

**Now I can't sing a love song **

**Like the way it's meant to be **

**Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore **

**But baby, that's just me **

**And I will love you, baby - Always **

**And I'll be there forever and a day - Always **

**I'll be there till the stars don't shine **

**Till the heavens burst and **

**The words don't rhyme **

**And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind **

**And I'll love you – Always**"

Kai felt his throat constrict as he sang but he continued, he would never deny Ray anything.

"**Now your pictures that you left behind **

**Are just memories of a different life **

**Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry **

**One that made you have to say good-bye **

**What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair"**

Kai gently stroked the silky raven hair as he sang

"**To touch your lips, to hold you near **

**When you say your prayers try to understand **

**I've made mistakes, I'm just a man **

**When he holds you close, when he pulls you near **

**When he says the words you've been needing to hear **

**I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine **

**To say to you till the end of time **

**Yeah, I will love you baby - Always **

**And I'll be there forever and a day – Always"**

Ray closed his eyes his face graced with an angelic smile

"**If you told me to cry for you **

**I could **

**If you told me to die for you **

**I would **

**Take a look at my face **

**There's no price I won't pay **

**To say these words to you **

**Well, there ain't no luck **

**In these loaded dice **

**But baby if you give me just one more try **

**We can pack up our old dreams **

**And our old lives **

**We'll find a place where the sun still shines **

**And I will love you, baby - Always **

**And I'll be there forever and a day - Always **

**I'll be there till the stars don't shine **

**Till the heavens burst and **

**The words don't rhyme **

**And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind **

**And I'll love you – Always**"

Kai stopped singing but he continued humming the tune. Ray's eyes had long since closed and his grip on Kai's hand had slackened but Kai continued humming gently stroking his hair, the silky hair he loved so much.

"Kai" said Tyson but was immediately cut off.

"Shhh" whispered Kai, "can't you see he's sleeping? And you know he hates to be disturbed when he's sleeping". He continued to stroke Ray's hair oblivious to the uncontrolled sobs around him. He got up and placed a gentle kiss on Ray's cool forehead just as the doctor entered. Kai looked at him and said quietly, "he's asleep, take good care of him. I want the best treatment to be given".

The doctor took a look at Ray and said, "but he's-"

"You heard me" Kai said firmly and walked out with a, "I'll be back soon".

Kai walked down the long corridors and onto the streets mindless of the people and the noise around him his mind only intoning stubbornly, 'he's going to be fine, he's going to be fine' refusing to accept fact. His pace got faster and faster till his walk turned into a sprint. He didn't notice any of the glares he got as he bumped into people. Images of Ray flashed through his mind. Images of himself with Ray, the happiness he got from it. A jumble of thoughts raced through, unconnected but clear.

…_surprised me, I didn't expect him to hold on for so long…yes, it was almost as if he were waiting for someone… I'll wait for you I swear I will… _He ran faster running far away, from what he himself did not know, he just knew he had to run.

_Something the matter?…I love that song…always…_Kai stopped running as he arrived at a park, it was deserted… just like him.

_Stomach cancer… last stage, no cure… he should have come sooner… I can't believe he didn't tell you… I told him that he should…_

Kai dropped to his knees the thoughts turning into an incoherent jumble, vision blurry from tears that still refused to spill. He felt lost, a feeling new to him. He couldn't accept the fact that fate would be so cruel to him, taking away the only one he had ever truly cared about someone who always returned affections in double measure.

It was silent almost deafeningly so. Nothing moved, except for the slight sway of leaves under the breeze but there was no sound. It was as though everything, even nature wanted to pay its tribute, its respect for a person so loved, so perfect.

Nobody heard the anguished cry that rent deep from within the phoenix's tormented soul. Nobody that is except the one it cried for, the only one who had ever truly understood and cared for it. The soul which refused to accept that the one it cherished most was gone, gone just like a gentle wind but with more lasting impressions…gone with the wind.

_And I will love you always…_

The End

A/N: I killed my own favourite character so I don't really know what to say.

The song 'always' by Bon Jovi is one of my favs and I felt I simply had to put it in because its so touching.

Anyways please let me know what you thought of all this in other words review!


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